My Canada

On the eve of this 141st anniversary of the founding of our great nation, I offer the following thoughts on what it means to be a Canadian:

• Being Canadian means always having to say you're sorry
• Being Canadian means living in the largest metropolis in the country, and counting the gaps in national sporting victory in generations
• Being Canadian means continuing to believe that Tim Horton's is a national institution
• Being Canadian means being able to fill any elevator ride, no matter how many floors, with talk about the weather
• Being Canadian means having children who are as likely to be reared on roti and spanakopita as milk and cookies
• Being Canadian means not only constantly comparing yourself to Americans, but worrying that you spend too much time doing so
• Being Canadian means cross-border shopping, and pretending to feel guilty about it
• Being Canadian means living in a city, and bemoaning the vanishing countryside
• Being Canadian means telling everyone you know that you plan to vote Green in the next election - but secretly knowing you'll never actually do it
• Being Canadian means believing that you know how many words the Inuit have for snow
• Being Canadian means that you pay too much for gas, cable and other utilities - but somehow chalking that up to a stronger social fabric
• Being Canadian means having an inferiority complex that compels you to point out all the Canadian-born performers you see
• Being Canadian means peace, order and good government instead of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.